Baby Brain Incident No.1

The most surprising and unexpected change to my body when I was pregnant was my Baby Brain.

Baby Brain can be very stressful. It is clear to everyone around you and yourself that you are slower, more emotional and very forgetful. Most of the stresses related to baby brain are imposed by ourselves ... by ME! No-one wants to admit they are not keeping up with the pace in life, and I constantly worried that people would not think me as capable or balanced.

So, I decided to appreciate the comic value of my pregnant behavior. It is true that Baby Brain can be all of the above and more, but it is also very very entertaining.

Here is Baby Brain Incident No.1

Crying at the TV Incident No.1 - Animal Park
When - 2nd Trimester - 18weeks pregnant. 8th June 2008.

Animal Park = behind the scenes stories of Longleat Safari Park and Stately Home. Whilst I have great emotional ties to the surrounding area of Longleat having grown up only 25miles from the beautiful park, scenes of the west country are is not normally enough to make me cry.

It is worth noting that this particular episode of Animal Park was being shown during the CBBC Sunday morning schedule. It is therefore assumed that it is child friendly and does not contain any distressing scenes. The episode featured a poorly tiger who was undergoing treatment for an illness. I have no memory of what illness the tiger had which I think demonstrates the importance of the programme to me in my everyday life. Whilst the programme left the tiger recovering from his operation to visit another part of the park, my Fabulous Boyfriend popped to have a shower, and asked me to let him know how our new fury friend fared.

Animal Park announced they were going back to see how the tiger was doing. I shouted to my Fabulous Boyfriend 'the tiger the tiger, he's OK', but I spoke too soon. Ben Fogle put on his most sympathetic voice and told us that sadly the tiger did not make it! 'Oh no!' I shouted again, and, as I said the words I started sobbing in a comedy manner fit for a Jane Austin novel. If you have ever seen the famous BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice (no ... not the scene when Mr Darcy emerges from the lake with his shirt all wet ... that is another story!), I mean when Alison Steadman playing Mrs Bennett finds out Lydia has eloped! She sobs in a comedy over the top stylee. There I was doing the same at the TV! I shouted/sobbed 'the tiger has died' although my Fabulous Boyfriend could barely understand me as I was almost inaudible at this point.

BBC Animal Park then showed a montage of the tigers life and the powerful bond he had with his keeper. They had literally grown up together in the same house. The keepers father used to work on the park and helped to raise the tiger at the same time as his son. They both played together as children/cubs, they were practically brothers (if that is at all possible between a tiger and a boy). As the music played over the film/photo montage, I knew there was no going back, my Baby Brain was now in control!

Crying Baby

Listening to a crying baby is very hard. Leaving a crying baby to cry is even harder.

This morning I am slightly traumatised by a Facebook comment from a new mum with a 14 day old baby. The post said ... "This ignoring crying baby stuff is very very very hard!!!"

There are two very divided parenting styles with regard to leaving babies to cry. The most old fashioned of those is that leaving your baby to cry for periods of time will teach them to settle themselves. That babies have a time in the day where they cry, and some people choose to leave them to cry-out. This may have a time and a place, and is dependent on the nature of your baby. I would certainly not advise any parent to try this with a newborn baby, I view this as baby abandonment, and find it completely heartbreaking.

Babies cry as a form of communication. They are trying to tell you something. Babies have many different types of cry, and it is hard to differentiate between them when you first bring the baby home. We believe that this was the case with Baby E, and we found that Baby E cried when he needed food, nappy changing, cuddles, winding, sleep, too hot, too cold, was over stimulated.

My brother came to the rescue when Baby E was born and recommended a fabulous DVD called Dunstan Baby Language. The Author is Australian Mum Priscilla Dunstan, who spent time listening to her baby crying and worked out what her baby was telling her. This is fantastic news for all new mums, as we need no longer get frustrated that we can do nothing about listening to our baby crying. The DVD gives short tutorials showing the different type of baby cries, and explains what they mean. It literally translated them into a language we all can understand. As soon as I watched the DVD it was as though life was so simple, and we knew exactly what Baby E was telling us. It really worked.

Dunstan Baby Language told us that Baby E was hungry. We found this to be a common occurrence, and only when we satisfied his hunger did we find that Baby E started communicating on other needs such as wind and finally tiredness.

It breaks my heart to think that new Mums are not listening to their baby's needs, and hoping that if they ignore the crying it will go away. Babies are people who deserve more respect than being ignored. I would not dream of ignoring a family member or work colleague who I found crying, so why would I not extend this philosophy to my own baby. Baby E was with me every day for nine months, my body comforted him, and nurtured him. He knew no pain, nor hunger nor loneliness. I want life outside the womb to be as enjoyable as I can make it, and so never let him cry, never leave him hungry, and never let him sit in a wet nappy (another thing I have witnessed new Mums doing).

Of course there are times with a newborn baby where things can be a little overwhelming, and you feel like you are about to crack. I can recall a few times in the early weeks where Baby E was crying, and I could not settle him. I was tired, and very emotional, I could not see clearly and so I would just start crying with dispair. I would cuddle Baby E and rock him gently, and will him to be calm, all the time crying! This is no help to a 2 week old baby, so my fabulous Boyfriend would always rescue me. He would let me sleep, and have some Daddy - Son time for a few hours. Baby E could spend this time with his Daddy, and I could have some Mummy time and get some well earned rest. Once we found and understood Dunstan Baby Language, this situation stopped occuring!

We spent time getting to know our Baby when he was born. Within a few weeks, we were tuned into Baby E's needs, and were able to give him everything he wanted. Baby E gets lots of cuddles, lots of love, lots of time playing with Mummy and Daddy. From birth he was a contented happy baby, who willingly played on his own from 3 weeks old, never cries when you put him down to sleep at night, and slept through from 8 weeks. Baby E loves to chatter and laugh, and he only cries as a form of cummunication when he is trying to tell us he needs something.

My first week being pregnant

Within a week of conceiving Baby E, I started behaving in a crazy way. I did not know I was pregnant yet, however the hormones I was producing were already changing the way I would react to situations.

The weekend after we conceived, my fabulous boyfriend was working on some finishing touches to his house before we put it on the market. I had decided to stay at home and strip some wallpaper in the dining room (could this be an early sign of nesting???). Half way round the room, my wallpaper stripper stopped working. We owned more than one wallpaper stripper, however no matter where I looked, I could not find it. A text conversation ensued between myself and my Fabulous Boyfriend where I learned that it had been in his car for the last 2 months. The text conversation quickly turned into a text argument, which was fuelled by my over active hormones. I was furious that he had not thought to bring it into the house for me (just in case mine broke), and could not believe that he was so happy to drive around with it in his car. Was he some sort of D.I.Y. emergency service? Did he think he may happen upon a wallpaper stripping emergency, and he could come to the rescue? Why was it still in his car???



We argued both on the phone, and by text all day. My Fabulous Boyfriend had no-where to run or hide from my crazy mood, and I thought myself perfectly justified in being angry and blaming him for anything and everything that went wrong that day.



I am normally a patient, calm and relaxed person. Once we found out that I was pregnant, it became a little more clear why I had behaved so much out of character and in such a hideous way that weekend.



I am pleased to say my over active hormones did not produce many more mood swings of this kind while I was pregnant. I think my Fabulous Boyfriend worked very hard to make sure I stayed happy and relaxed so we could make a happy and relaxed baby. I dislike arguing so much, life is too short for fighting, and I am pleased to say I spent the rest of my pregnancy in relative harmony with my Fabulous Boyfriend.